Pieces of a Shattered Mess
by MissBesanii
Summary: "I had to face it, I was beyond a crush. I was unhealthily obsessed." - Ikarishipping.


**Pieces of a Shattered Mess.**

_You pay for what you break._

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I'd watched him do it once again, put himself through the torture of being beaten. His ego was admirably vivacious to rebound so many times.

I could hear him cry in his sleep now. It was torturing to hear, so I pitied him for whatever he felt. Yet I could not bring myself to want to prevent it. Selfish bitch. How could I want my best friend to hurt so for my own needs. No, not needs, wants. My own desires fuelling my selfishness. I was as cruel as his torturer, probably worse. At least his reasons were actually reasonable. Ash asked for it, time and time again. He did not ask me to want it to happen. I should be stopping it.

Yet I couldn't make myself.

Brock did, and I was grateful he could. I was ridiculously grateful Ash ignored him every time too. So cruel...

If I was honest with myself, I could explain why I would want Ash to be so competitive. Of course, I lie to myself and say he learns something new every time he loses, but it's obvious that's not my only intent.

I wanted his rival there. I knew without Ash, he would not be interested in coming near me. I told myself how stupid the thought was time and time again. If he was interested in me the way I desperately hoped he would be, he would not need to battle Ash at all. He's never properly spoken to me, and the only times he has were brief and I managed to make a fool of myself one way or another.

I felt a tear slip past my carefully composed mask, rolling down my cheek and land on my sleeping bag. Another followed eagerly. Soon they flowed freely, and my chest tightened into a sob. Damn. I'd promised myself not to cry any more. Ever since Ash had caught me.

I could feel the sob hitch in my throat, and I fought my way out of my sleeping bag so I could breathe. My lungs compressed, and tears streamed even faster. I hadn't awoken any of my friends, so I pulled up my jacket and hurried into the forest around us.

When I was sure I was too far for ears to hear my cry, I let myself gasp for air in ragged intervals. I exhaled awkwardly, hiccuping through it.

I was confused, my body pulled to keep running forward, yet I knew I should have turned back. I was too over emotional to not let my body take me wherever it wanted. My feet moved forward, getting into a faster rhythm. My head dropped to face the floor, and my eyes watched subconsciously through the glassy wall of tears for something I might trip over. My arms began to swing in momentum. I was flying through the forest.

What was I doing? I wasn't sure. I'm a monster, I should stay away from Ash. I shouldn't torture him, or wish for him so, anyway. I needed to get away, I knew that.

I didn't know where I was any more, I didn't know if I'd run in a straight line or just in circles. There were no differences to the path I'd taken, trees, bushes and dirt. That was all I saw. No sound except my stupid sobs getting louder and more choppy from exhaustion.

Finally, after time that I could not remember, something stuck out from the endless green. I glanced over and wished I hadn't. I felt my whole chest crumple in on itself as I contracted around my heart. Squeezing my eyes shut and gritting my teeth to distract myself from the horrible aching sensation in my chest.

I didn't look back at that difference, as much as I wanted to.

"Dawn?"

After so long, my chest finally expanded, I felt my heart thump wildly inside me, reacting to the voice. The rapid footsteps that I ran from even faster, but they caught up eventually. I was too exhausted to put up a fight.

I felt a hand grab around my wrist tightly, and forcefully swung me to turn around. I struggled backwards, keeping my eyes to the floor so I didn't see him, but merely swung from side to side. I gave up, succumbing to my weakness. I needed some comfort, and though these arms were unlikely to give it, I wanted them to, very much so. I stumbled forward, crashing my face into the shoulder that's arm had reached out to grab me.

He said nothing to calm me. He did nothing to comfort me for a little while, too. Until he reluctantly held me close, allowing me to sob harder. It felt... Nice. I craved solitude, and yet I could not force myself to run away. Many a time I'd embraced friends, but it never felt like this. I wasn't doing anything, and yet I found it hard to concentrate on why I was crying any more. It took time, but I finally managed to sober myself up and shamefully look at his beautiful, angry face.

To my surprise, his eyes were just bright with worried curiosity. Two emotions I'd never seen on this person. As close as I was though, it was hard not to see. I also came to the realisation that his eyes weren't black, for they were an exquisite royal aubergine colour, so deep that you could only make it out from the distance I was at. His lips were pressed into a tight line so that I could barely see them; a sign of anxiety. He loosened them when he studied my blotchy face, red from all the acid water tears.

I instantly felt foolish. What was I doing? He barely knew me. I looked down at our feet, mine bare and bleeding. I hadn't realised the pain until I looked at the scratches. His were bare too, but perfectly healthy.

"Sorry." I muttered, not knowing what I could possibly say to get out of this situation when I so desperately wanted to be in it.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" He asked, though I was shocked that he did. I shook my head, and he did not try to force me to talk, which I was ridiculously thankful for.

I pressed the back of my hand to my eyes to be rid of the tears that were lost and stuck. It was how I felt, lost; practically in this forest and lost under his gaze. Stuck because I couldn't bring myself to want to get out of it.

I had to face it, I was past a crush. I was unhealthily obsessed with him.

I let myself look back up at him and wish I hadn't, because I giggled foolishly and went red under my blemished skin; "I bet I look really weird to you right now." My eyes dropped back to our feet, an instinct to make myself seem alluring. How I could possibly allure _him_ looking like _this_ was beyond me.

"No." He said sharply, and I frowned gently up at him; "No?"

"No." He repeated himself, and he began walking me toward the direction we had come. I hadn't realised he was still holding my hand to guide me. He continued to talk as he appraised my expression; "but you look tired. You shouldn't be alone here."

"Why?" I blushed stupidly, my stomach fluttering as his grip tightened. "You're alone." I pointed out. He didn't answer me, instead he sat me down next to a tree, and I realised we were back at his camp. Either I hadn't run very far, or he had just distracted me very well. I had a feeling it was a mixture of both.

I shuddered, and wished that I'd brought Quilava with me. He didn't seem to notice, and I wasn't about to complain. I watched him as he slowly paced the area once, then finally settled down on his sleeping bag that was lay by my feet.

"Did I wake you?" I asked, and he sighed; "You make quite a noise when crying."

I looked at my nails, placed neatly on my knees; "Sorry." He grunted, and said nothing more. I sat in silence, letting him sleep. I couldn't while he was there, and plus I was cold. I wanted nothing more than to sit by a fire, or cuddle up with my pokemon in my sleeping bag, or drink hot cocoa. I shuddered again to bring me back to reality.

"Dawn."

I blinked, looking through the dark and seeing nothing. I focussed, allowing my eyes to adjust, and eventually, the moons glow dimly lit his pale face. "You were shivering in your sleep."

I'd fallen asleep? That was quick, even when I said I couldn't. Maybe I was too cold, my body might have shut down for a little while. My body quivered harshly.

"You've been out for a while, I tried to move you, but you kick and punch." He said, dark humour seeping in his tone.

I sat up and curled into a ball, but he held out his hand to me. It was hot, or I was just at the opposite end of the scale. He hissed at my touch, and suddenly pulled me closer to touch my forehead; "You're freezing, how long have you been out here?"

I frowned; "I don't know."

He took his hand away, and I groaned, it was warm, I wanted it back.

"We need to get you to a hospital." He stated, taking my hand again, I coiled my arm around his too, to receive more heat. He began to pack his stuff away, and I reluctantly let his hand go so he could do so. I worried about my pokemon, but I knew they'd be safe. They'd all be worried about me.

We began walking, but he did not offer me his heat again. I stared at his hand, wishing fervently that he would hold it out to me.

Soon, I could feel myself slipping, I was gradually becoming less wishful, the heat was getting less of a want, more of a need. I began shaking violently, and I managed to pant his name before reaching out and collapsing forward. He turned and caught me awkwardly, his legs buckling under my weight.

I didn't realise I was so ill. His breathing was ragid, and I wanted to apologise, but couldn't find the energy too. All I could see was the white mist that left my mouth, drifting across my eyes that lazily blinked it away. I could only just feel his hands under my knees and back through my numb skin. It took me a while to realise I was horizontal.

All I could hear was my pulse thrumming frantically behind my ears, working desperately to keep my sensors working. Slowly, each sense began to fail; smell first, though I was never really concentrating on it, but I was aware it had gone. Feeling, though I'd lost physical feeling, I could no longer feel temperature, either. Sight drifted, and I no longer fought that, I closed my eyes and let the sight of him go.

And the last thing I heard was; "Dawn? Dawn, stay with me!"

I so desperately wanted to, I wanted to thank him for being so kind when he rarely ever was. I wanted to ask him why he'd changed so suddenly, I wanted to beg him for warmth, to hold me closer to his body heat. I wanted... I wanted...

* * *

**Ahh, I love a good ol' Ikarishipping. **  
**I've got my horrible block again, which I don't get very often, but when it's here, it's really diffficult for me to get into the swing of things again.**  
**So I let my creativity try to rebuild itself again, and I must say my inspiration has been the film; _Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging. _**  
**Yes I know it isn't anything like what I've written, but the teenage love thing got me going. So thanks. ^^**  
**Second inspiration has to be an Ikarishipping AMV I found on Youtube to the music_ Iris_, by the _Goo Goo Dolls_. Beautiful song + Ikari = Inspiration.**  
**That maths I can deal with. :)**  
**This may be continued, but I don't know when. It all depends on my reviews. I suggest you subscribe to story if you want to read the next part. **  
**To those who are waiting for my other works; Thanks for being so patient with me!**


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